Dead last dosn't mean loser

The Captain, aka AR Bucko likes mountain bike races, but doesn't give a shit about how fast he rides. He hates being stuck with a broken derailleur hanger or derailleur that has been smashed by a rock. So he rides 32xYM and enjoys a good walk with his bike up the mountain. Plus he hates thinking about what gear to be in, so uses just one, which will always be the wrong gear, 

 When ever the Captain finds himself at the front of the back of the pack he finds a nice spot to sit by the trail and has a  high gravity local ale and cigar. This gives him a chance to be DFL (dead fucking last) and harass dudes in lycra that ride by. The Capt. always goes against the mainstream so DLF is his favorite place to be.